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Information Babies Parenting | Parenting |
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| Written by Kim Olver | ||||
| Monday, 21 May 2007 | ||||
Page 2 of 2 When in a relationship with someone, it can be helpful to have a conversation about how each of you were parented. It is not a hard and fast rule but many times people parent in the way they were parented or they will parent in an exact opposite way from their parents. Both methods are intricately tied to the parenting methods of their parents. Find out what was acceptable and what wasn’t acceptable in your partner’s family. Inquire as to his or her opinion of the family rules and discipline methods. My husband believed in physical punishment, stating it was good enough for him. He turned out OK. I was in the field of child welfare and it was my firm belief that I did not want to have my children spanked. I believed all spanking taught them is that “might makes right.” I wanted them to learn how to think for themselves and to have good relationships with their father and me. My husband would agree that he wanted them to think for themselves but his belief was that letting them know who was boss and teaching them right from wrong through punishment would accomplish the same end. The problem with parenting is that we are operating from experience and what we believe is best. I know very few parents who deliberately set out to ruin their children’s lives or make things difficult for them. Most parents want what is best for their children. The problem is that very often mothers and fathers disagree the methods used to get there. I also believe that parenting needs to be adjusted for the situation, the age and maturity level of the child, as well as the different children themselves. I had two boys who were close in age but very different in personalities. What worked effectively for one child did not work for the other. We have situational leadership in the field of supervision; I believe in situational parenting in terms of raising children. I believe that treating children the same can be the most unfair thing we can do as a parent. Not all children should be treated the same in order for things to be fair. There are so many variables to consider in parenting. What rules are appropriate for what ages? Do you believe girls and boys should be treated the same or should the rules vary by gender? What discipline method to you believe in? What does respect look like to you and how will you command it? What activities do you think are reasonable for a child to participate in? What are your thoughts about gift giving? Do you get involved with school problems or do you allow the school to handle those? What are your thoughts about family activities and their frequency? Many of these questions and more are not asked when getting to know your partner. Frequently what happens is you may ask do you want to have children and if so, how many do you want. You watch your partner around other people’s children and make an inference that he or she will behave consistent with your children. This is a major important area left up to chance. When in a relationship if you are planning to have children, spend some time talking about your belief and value systems as they pertain to children. It will be time well spent. And if you find areas that are discrepant, don’t ignore them. Continue to discuss them until you reach a consensus with which you can live. About the Author: Kim is an expert in relationships, parenting and personal empowerment, working with individuals who want to gain more effective control of their lives and relationships. Check out her website Empowerment Parenting Source: www.isnare.com Comments (0)
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