Information Babies Handling Aggressive Play | Handling Aggressive Play |
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| Written by Jane | ||||
| Saturday, 19 May 2007 | ||||
Page 2 of 2 Model the behaviour you wantYour child learns by example. If you yell to express yourself, so will they. If you hit them, they will hit back, or hit others in return. By being gentle with your child you respect them and engender a feeling of safety. By taking them gently by the hand to the ‘naughty corner’ or to get dressed when they resist, you tell them you care and that you need them to do what you’re asking.The disadvantage of yelling
I imagine all parents yell at some time. The problem is that this is quite exciting behaviour. When your child is trying to get your attention, yelling at them is very satisfying as they get your full attention and a big reaction. Their reaction to getting what they want is to yell back at you. I found with my child when I used yelling to get their attention (after a few requests in a speaking voice) there were two unpalatable consequences. My child yelled at me and others for everything they wanted the first time, and they didn’t listen to anything I said unless I yelled. Get them to articulateAs your child develops they will be frustrated by knowing what they want but not being able to express it yet. This is the source of the 'terrible twos' or toddler tantrums. By encouraging your child to ask for what they want from the beginning you can head off some of those tantrums. If you anticipate the needs of your child and do everything for them, you don't give them a sense of independence. Worse, you let yourself in for the situation where your child expects their needs to be met without needing to articulate them. By telling them what they are asking for and encouraging every new word, you can lessen those frustrating moments for you and your child. Have predictable consequencesYou have to tell your child what you do want in the way of positive behaviour. With younger children, redirection to the thing you want usually works.Once you have a toddler who doesn’t listen, you need another tool. We use a bargaining system; if you do this then we’ll do that. The rewards are TV programs, craft activities, the playground or a walk. Things we would do anyway but which our child loves. We also use 1,2,3 as an attention getter and to prevent time wasting. This principal when applied to rough play is to ask politely for the child to change their behaviour, or quickly take the thing if they are doing something really wrong, like hitting another child. Let them know what you want, then see if they do it. If not, there is a consequence. Take them out of the situationIf your child is still doing the wrong thing take them out of the game, get down to their level and give them time out, explaining why. If your child is a victim of bad behaviour, then also take them out of the situation. They rely on you for their safety.There is a fine line between a child learning to tough it out and for them to feel threatened and unprotected. By monitoring and mentoring your child, you allow them to encounter some of the inevitable knocks of life. With good self esteem, such a child will then stand up for themselves and say “Stop hitting me, I don’t like it”, or they will move away of their own accord. In my case, I did need to stop my child going to a daycare centre and to a playgroup due to the uncontrolled behaviour of other children. By doing that, my child has learnt to value himself. He knows about consequences and is moving towards self control and self esteem, the corner stones of becoming a valuable member of society. Comments (0)
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