Only an expectant mother can know the very mixed emotions which suddenly wash over you when your obstetrician cheerfully guesses your baby's weight at 4.5kg! The hardest thing for me to face as a soon-to-be mother was the prospect of delivering, the pain that was involved. I couldn't imagine it.

I might also add that I kelloid scar, so I was terrified of tearing as well. I'm quite careful with my private areas as a general rule. I keep chemicals to a minimum and wash carefully. When I'm intimate, I use almond oil and make sure all is ready. So the idea of a baby coming out of that area was more than a little unthinkable. And yet here I was.

I did what I could to prepare. I went to a birthing class run by Lina Clerk, who was very frank about it all being very painful. I couldn't imagine it, but saw a woman labouring on a fit ball, in her own world. I held to that when the time came. I even used an EpiNo, although I'm not sure if that actually helped.

I knew that my mother was only about 6 hours in labour with me, so I expected a short labour and delivery. My very first contraction was around 6am, and at 11am the same day I was ready to push - the urge just came upon me. I had only been in active labour since 9am. I was in hospital, but they weren't expecting me to be ready so fast, so nothing was set up and I didn't even think of pain relief. It was all so quick and I was in my own world. I probably had my eyes closed for 95% of the labour.

Then came the hard part. The funny thing for me was that I was prepared for the first stage to be hard, but not the pushing. From what I knew, labour was mostly the hard first stage where the cervix dilates, which takes a few hours to over a day, followed by a pushing stage, which is usually under one hour. When the pushing came, I was 10 cm dilated and ready to go. I spent the first hour yelling, the second trying hard and after that I was still going!

I knew other women before me had done it all just like this.

What was the pain like? It was incredible. I'd hit a wall, cry that I couldn't do it, then push some more and I did this a few times. Why didn't I ask for pain relief? I knew other women before me had done it all just like this. I felt an intense respect for every one of them. I didn't think about pain relief because I knew how much better it was to be in control of your body. I knew I didn't want to risk any drugs crossing the placenta to my newborn. I know now that my determination definitely prevented the use of a vacuum and without that extra control I probably would have had a cesarean.

I didn't know how to make the best use of my body when pushing. I knew I needed to be upright, but I didn't realise all the yelling was not necessary. After an hour the midwife suggested I channel my energy into giving a bigger push. I gasped out between contractions that I could feel my baby sliding back up inside. After 2 and a half hours, I was very tired and my baby's heartbeat was starting to fluctuate.

I didn't think I could do it, but everyone cheered me on. I felt like I was at a footy match with my husband, the midwife and the obstetrician all cheering me on to one more push, even when I didn't have the urge to push, just one more. I pushed with every ounce of strength and then did it again.

And suddenly "oh my god" I said as my 3 kg baby arrived on my belly. It was all over, with no distinction between thinking it would never end and the sudden arrival of our wonderful boy.

I remember the pain being very hard to bear at the time, but I was so happy to know what was going on, to make sure I didn't lose touch with my body. My little one came out of it all just fine. He needed some osteopathy to straighten out his neck, but he breastfed and grew. He's now a challenging pre-schooler of 3. By the way, I did tear but it healed just fine.

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