The most important thing to realise about new motherhood is that you and the baby come first. Pretty easy huh? Well actually it takes determination. Nobody else went through the actual delivery, so they don’t know how you feel. Nobody else is trying to maintain a partner and a new baby. There’s a lot of adjusting going on internally and externally for you. You’re likely to be having a lot of discussions; some might say arguments, about how to look after this new bub. There’s an amazing pull that you get whenever your baby cries and they do tend to cry often when newborn. You’re still learning to pick up your baby, change a nappy, feed. The whole thing is exhausting.

So how do you get through it? Well, my experience was that the first 6 weeks were some of the best in my life. I concentrated on the essentials and spent a lot of time looking at my baby, sleeping with him, watching him. I’m not a particularly maternal person, but I laughed more times a day in those first few weeks than I ever had in my life before. Babies are joy incarnate. Everything they do is 100% and if you can relax and enjoy them, you’ll find the experience incredibly rewarding. My essentials were:

Forget the clock

There is so much pressure on women today to look great, to keep a nice house and to be polite when people want to see you. Recognising that your body and your mind are in dream land is essential to coping with your newborn. Night and day merge in feeding and changing and wondering about this amazing new addition to your life. Just as in pregnancy, you’ll lose track of what you are doing. You can spend hours just feeding your baby and watching them sleep on you. Your mind and body are telling you what you need to do. Rest, drift and do only what must be done.

Don’t worry about entertaining

Your family and friends are all keen to see you, to reassure themselves that you are fine and to hold and treasure your newborn. The temptation is to be nice, have people over and make tea. Meanwhile you can’t sit down comfortably and you’re worried about the next feed or nappy change not going smoothly. Maybe you realise that you’re going to have problems at the time you arranged. Well, cancel. Go to sleep, relax and wait for a better day. This is your time and your friends and family will see you all soon enough.

Don’t do house work

Choose a room to entertain in and just keep that tidy. If you really want to have a clean house, then factor in a cleaner every couple of weeks, or clue up your partner on what needs to be done. Physically you will be told not to do any exercise for the first 6 weeks at least (longer for a caesarean), so plan around that.There is no point in prolonging your recovery by doing too much too soon, and you and your baby will both suffer if you exhaust yourself.

Get help

If you are lucky you’ll have help around the house and you might get to shower and do a little walking or shopping. Most likely your partner will take time off, but any help that is offered, take it. If someone comes over, they can bring dinner or afternoon tea. If you get offered a nappy service, a massage or other indulgence, take it. If there isn’t a lot of help, make sure you keep in touch with others over the phone to keep a sense of perspective, and if you need help, ask for it.

Hand over the baby

The hardest thing as a new mother is to let someone else look after your baby. You might find as I did that you are a lion when it comes to protecting your child and so you should be. You are their whole world. However, you need back up. Let your partner take the baby between feeds, for burping and changing while you rest, eat or have a shower. Build up his confidence by asking for his help frequently and encourage him. You will learn together and you will be able to take time out confident that your partner is there for your baby.

Take time for yourself

In the days, weeks and years to come you will need time for yourself. A walk in the park, a trip to the shops and time with your friends, all of these are things that will keep you happy, refreshed and energised for your children and your partner. This is the most important advice of all; step back regularly and take time for yourself.

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